Daily Journal 08/31th

What happened today
I woke up at 8:00 in the morning.
Run out side
And headed to work part-time.
I work from 11:00 to 18:30, and come back home
To eat dinner.

I think I need more time to practice drawing, and it will be only in the morning.

I wanna wake up early.

My strategy will be to prepare the exercise clothes next my bed, wake up and change into it as soon as I woke up.

I have a bad skin, and work makes it much worse. How can I deal with that? I need to think about it.

I had pain in my whole body because of  so hard exercise these days.

I need time to heal, and reduce the amount of time of Swimming.

Story: time is limited. I cannot go back the time to fix it. Even if I made a huge mistake, that might hurt myself or others. I cannot undo it. I need to accept it and move on. Do not fight the last war.

2019/08/30 Daily Journal

What happened today.

I was woke up at 5:00 by the alarm.

However, I started meditation as soon as I woke up, and I fell asleep. 

I think I need to make my brain wake up before meditating.

I think I should first wash my face and brush my teeth. 

And run and train my muscle first, and then meditation.

In this sense, my brain will be fully awake and ready to meditate.

After that I went to school, and practiced animation until 9:30-15:00.

There was a lunch in that. I ate 610 tuna-don at Sukiya.

After that, I went back to my hometown, and went to gym to swim.

Then, I come back to home to eat. 

Story:Enter the life as a game player or writer. See the world as it is, and observe those around you. 

You see the world and life somewhat detached. It is just a game. 

What is the obstacle for playing the game.

Ego-self-obsession

“Nothing is clinged to I, me, and mine.”

And emotion.

Which dulls the strongest weapon we have, our rationality and strategy.

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Cost

Protein 4800yen 

Breakfast 300 yen

Protein drink 150 yen

Total 5250yen

these days I use a lot of money, I don’t think I use it to buy things that I do not need.

But I think I can try to reduce the amount of money I depend like water, food, books.

I read Walked buffet says richness can be measured by expenses and income.

It means income can be low, but I can be richer by reducing the amount of money I spend. 

I was moved by the word. I need to be much careful about how much I spend.

How much time I USE to increase the capacity that I can earn money. 

2019/08/29 Daily Journal

What happened today?
I woke up at 7:00.
I did not have time to exercise, so I just meditated, and headed for the school.

In the train, I listen to 48 strategies of war by Robert Greene.

1 hour in the train, so I think I need to use it wisely.

I would like to listen to 1 chapter of an audiobook, and take notes on that.

I need to schedule it.

After that, I practiced animation until 3 pm at school.

I ate Karubi-don at Yoshinoya, which is a donburi restaurant in Japan for lunch.

I came back to home. In the train, I do not remember what I was doing, which is really bad.

I talked with my mother about my life and my stress, but I realized talking this to her will not solve it. I need to accept suffering in life and start living my life.

Prepared to swim in the gym.

I swam until 19:30.

Back to home, and ate dinner and now writing this blog.

Story Is it possible to love two person at once? This feels pretty strange. I do not know who I love. I am confused. When I am in love with one woman, I felt just right. The burning emotion is directed toward one person. However, when I am attracted to two women at once, those feelings of love are divided.

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Karubi-don   　 650 yen
Protein drink    250 yen

900 yen

Protein is a bit expensive man.

What is the moment fulfilling

What do women want and How to be the one.

This is not about seduction, but maybe a part of it.

What do women want?

A Man have to lead a women who he love to happiness or at least security.

・Rationality and Self-control: Can a man who is emotional provide for her.
・Social status: can those who are around a man provide for her or not?
・Health: to be able to work and provide for her.
・intelligence: to be able to adapt to each difficult situation and overcome it.
・Finance: Now, this means food, living, security.
・Compassion: Sense what she needs.
                       can the man reduce her stress and feel safe?
・Humor: Do not take life so seriously and be more playful about that.

I think women want security and a strong man who can provide her.

Casanova put it in some way.

I wanna be the one, but how?

Rationality and self-control: overcome my emotional self
Social Status: Master Human Nature 
Finance: Work and Do some thing for the world. Use what I have and use it for the world. Find what people want and provide that. It do not have to be great.
Humor: Practice never take life so seriously and personal and be happy about life.
intelligence: Read many books and actually practice the skills
Health: Work out, eat healthy, stay in shape.
Compassion: Master Human Nature

Oh, there are many things I need to do to be a better man.
Maybe, tomorrow I need to deep into each topic and how I can improve!

Will Smith's Talk on Fear

I wrote about active learning, and I watched this video on fear, and it was nice, so I would like to write an article about it.

I thought he is really good at telling a story. it moved me. Can I do it? I need to practice. How he speaks, and the choice of words are very important to tell a interesting story.

One of the points which interesting story contain is that it is personal and people can connect to that.

Umm, it do no have to be personal because some interesting stories are group story.

People have to be able to connect to that.

In this case, everyone feels fear, and every fear has similar characteristic.
We tend to exaggerate fear. Usually, what we fear is not as awful as we think.

He talked about that in his talk interestingly.

Therefore, I think we need to be interested in human nature and people, when telling a story.

I also need to practice how to tell a story interestingly.

In the talk, he stands up to talk because I think he wanted to feel strong or actually feel strong.

He uses his whole body to speak that I can imitate.

I really liked the last thing he said.

GOD placed the best things on the other side of fear.

2019/08/28 Daily Journal

What happened
It was raining.
I did meditation in the morning.
I went to school by train.
I was listening to 50th Law by Robert Greene.
I practiced drawing.
After that, I went back to home and slept.
I woke up and ate dinner with family.

Story
Decide who I wanna be and I DO NOT wanna be. Learn from everyone I admire in my path. Be the best version of myself.

Emotional Reaction 
Doubt, inferiority or fear.
During practicing animation at school, some of students came to class, and they talked about their project in front of the class. I somehow felt inferior of that because their speech was really good because they are doing a project. In other words, I compared myself to others. As I started to write this blog and become conscious of my unconscious. I have this tendency. However, something was different in this time. I was aware of that I feel this way because of this tendency, and I somehow react in a different way. I talked to myself Emerson's quotes.

"Envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide."

I was aware of that. After sometime, the feeling disappeared and I was in normal state again.

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Cost

1500yen 

2019/08/27 Daily Journal

I was so tired yesterday that I could not write the journal.

What have I done yesterday?
Woke up at 5 am in the morning.
I washed my face, and brushed my teeth.
I did meditation after that.
I run outside for 30 min.
I did gymnastic.

I want to make this a daily morning routine.

I went to school after that.

I have not gone to school for a long time, so I was a bit nervous for especially meeting my crush.

In school, I practiced animation.

After that, I worked part-time.

After that, I went to gym to swam. Wow, a lot of stuff.

It was very busy, but great.

Story
Never completely attached to anything because it is not against the reality. Each of us is acting on our own will for power. Yeah, we have to be in a community or something. However, remember that they will leave you as soon as you become useless. Be self-reliant, cultivate skills, be smart, and never depend on others to live.
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1500 yen
120x4 yen

1980 yen

Daily Diary 201808/26

What I have done today.
I did meditation in the morning.

Read and watched books on YouTube, it was like a procrastination to practice drawing. I need to overcome this tendency to escape from what is hard.

I went to MacDonald to submit a stool examination.

After that, I went to dentist to have a tooth fixed.

Back to home, I read a book or watch a YouTube video.

Finally, I practiced exercises of Natural Way to Draw.

I ate dinner and walked outside while listening to 50th law by Robert Greene.

Chapter on self-reliance

I think listening to an audio book while walking is one of the most productive experience I have.

I found my weakness there. 

I need to be completely self-reliant. I unconsciously think that others might help me in some ways. 

I need to let go off all of the comfort thought.
Burn the ship behind.

Remember
No one or no relationship will help me.
Everyone is governed by self-interest.
I am essentially alone in this world, and I have to stand up for myself.

I need to make this habits. I need to listen to chapter on self-reliance everyday until it is deep inside my brain.

I need to be able to stand up straight in this world whatever happens.
I have everything that I have. Accept that. Go for it.

It will never be a time for me to be a perfect timing to do something. Even though I have little now. Do something with what you have.


in the morning, take some time to improve something about myself.

Everything in my life comes back to me. I am RESPONSIBLE.


Story
Living this life, which is always the same. Family there, friends there. It seems like the life is in my control. However, it was illusion. The life is harsh, and I realize no one is on my side. They are governed by their self-interest. I felt betrayed by others not acting on my expectations. However, it only increased my frustration.
Once I realized others are just seeking their self-interest, and stop being dependent on others, and start standing on my own foot. I started to feel liberated.
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Cost
850

Active Learning

I think that I study books or watch videos on psychology or Robert Greene. Therefore, I think that I am improving somehow. No. To improve, I need to focus deeply and put them in real life.  I analyze how what a book or a video is related to my life or experience, or do I actually put some ideas in practice?

Therefore, I would like to take note and how can I apply to my life to this blog every video I watch.

What a language and how to use it.

These days, I started to learn English and Japanese vocabulary, maybe Chinese too in the future.

When learning words, I felt it is not right just to remember the meaning of a word. I felt it is so mechanical. Same as drawing, I have to translate reality into paper, I have to translate life into words and sentences. Every word I speak or use have life in it and feeling in it.

Kimon Nicolaides put it.

We tend to be mechanical in language when we are so used to use it.
However, I think it is interesting to make that unconscious conscious again by learning a new language or relearning language I thought I have learned.

What is emotion telling you?

We feel several emotion in life. I think each of it has meaning. The brain is telling you something. We suffer from thinking and emotion because of the wrong translation or understanding of them.

Therefore, I would like to be conscious of emotion I feel everyday, and try to think how to deal with it in my daily dairy.

Mastering The Second Language

positive and negative

mask and no nonverbal communication

2018/08/25 Daily Journal

What I did 

Yesterday, I was not on schedule because I had a skin problem on hands. My hands were so itchy that I did not feel like doing something which is not good I think. 

As Nietzsche wrote

"Trust your feelings! But feelings are not final or original." Behind the feeling, there stand judgement and evaluations which we inherit in the form of inclinations, aversions. The inspiration born of feeling is a born child of judgement and often false judgement and in any event not child of your own.  Too trust one's feeling means to give more obedience to one's grandfather and grandmother and their grand parents than to the gods which are in us. Our reason and our experience."

We feel emotions everyday. Feeling is not good or bad. However, sometimes the feelings we feel are irrational. The mind tends to exaggerate the problem, it causes suffering. Instead of being slaves to emotion, we can see what is the reality and we should trust our reasons and strategy over emotions. Emotion is a signal. Fear or nervousness is to be careful, focused and think about the problem more. Feeling of comfort is telling you that it is safe now. Emotion is just telling you. Human beings can make actions based on strategies or what is right even when they do not feel like doing it. 

I think it makes human more human.

Anyway, I did not do much yesterday.

I was doing what I wanted which was to watch interviews of Robert Greene on YouTube. I think I have to take notes on what he is saying in each interview and make his idea my own and what I learned so that I do not watch them just for entertainment, but get something from him.

After that, I work part-time at MacDonald as usual, and went bed.

Story-How to overcome envy

We are human beings. We feel envy. We feel envy especially, someone who has something that we really want or cherish. Ones who have something we crave.

It is inevitable. Chimps feel that. I think the tendency is exaggerate in a group situation. I do not feel very strong envy on those who see online seeing someone. I feel some envy through. Envy seems to be very serious problems for humanity for a long time. How to deal with that. 

Admit that. Each of us is different, and there will be someone who is better all around the world. Try learning from them, and steal their good point. Make it a game. How can I be like him/her? There is always something that I can learn from others. Take it a chance to make myself better.

Also, do not compare to others. 

Emerson put it in Self-reliance

"Envy is ignorance, and imitation is suicide."

Each of us is unique. We have our own unique gift. Appreciate that. Try to flourish  each of us full potential yet I can learn a lot from others.

Emerson also put 

"In every walk of life, every man I meet is superior in some way.

 in that I learn of him"

I do not think I did right thing yesterday. I should have learned from him.

He is witty and good toward women, which is something I luck. It is actually a  good chance to meet with him and learn from him. I am fucking lucky.
Do not fight the last war.

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Cost
Waffle cone at MacDonald-120 yen

  

2019/08/24 Daily Diary

What happened today.
Woke up.
Prepare for the gym.
Run for 30 min in the gym.
Work part-time until 10:00.

Story
I had a interesting experience.
I had a rest time today at MacDonald I worked.

There were one man, two girls, and me.
They were talking together except me.

I think I had some choices.
1. Join the talk (I was not interested in their talk)
2. Leave there 
3. Do whatever I want

Therefor, I chose 3. I started to read a book with ear phones.
I did not know the right thing to do then.
However, I think I have to express myself, do whatever I want.
It do not mean being a shit.

I cannot erase what I have done. I accept that.

Again

remember

Envy is ignorance, and imitation is suicide.

You know who you are.

Be yourself, until you die.

That is anything I need. 

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burgers 380yen
burgers 350yen

total      730yen

2019/08/23 Daily Journal

What happened today
I practiced exercises of Natural Way to Draw for 1 hour 30 min.
I felt miserable for a long time for a long time. I do not know why, maybe because of my mindset.
After practicing drawing, I fell asleep because I could not sleep well yesterday night. I think the reason is because I broke night ritual and I study at night.
I want to make this habits night.
Then, I still felt miserable.

I wanted to change how I feel about myself, so I read sell-reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson. 
After that I checked Facebook and found one of my college friend was really successful. At first, I felt some envy. However, words from Emerson came to me.

Envy is ignorance; imitation is suicide.

Can my life compare to his life. In society's standard, yeah he may be much more successful than me. This is only judgement of others. Nothing can be good or evil, only interpretation remains. I should never compare myself to others, and I have decided to do so no matter what.
Each of us is unique. He is doing his own work. I will do my own work.

That is it!!

What I all have to do is to see what is, and to compare myself with others is against what is, uniqueness.

It was one of the most precious walk I have ever experience.

Emotional reaction
Whenever I compare myself or my life with others, I feel miserable.
Whenever I realize I am unique and believe in what is in me. I feel good.

I  think comparison is something that the mind does. It distract me to see each of one as a very unique human being with a different way of seeing the world, DNA, and experiences. The mind want to put a man into a box. I think it is not according to nature. 

I need to distinguish what the mind is good at or bad at.

In strategy or planning, the mind is good.

In living according to nature, listen to the instinct.

After that, I worked out in the gym.
I run for min.
I trained my muscle for 15 min

Ate dinner

Story: Man, do not confirm to what others do or think of you, follow your heart. Do not live other people's expectation. They know nothing about you, and they care nothing about you. What matter is inside yourself. in what situation, you are in. speak out what you think right, and believe what you believe to be right. You are only one in the universe, just listen to yourself.
         
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Drink in the gym 100yen

2019/08/22 Daily Journal

What happened
I practiced drawing for 1 hour, Natural Way to Draw.
Swam for 30 min.

Listen to others man. I saw a woman in a part-time job, listening to another worker for a long time. She had patience to listen to others. It was awesome.
I want to learn from her. I also observed that what one is trying to do for other
person is what they want to do for him or her.

In her case, she listened to another person, so I think SHE also want to talk in return!!

I am not sure about that, but I wanna test it in my life.

story:It is good to endure obstacles to improve, but is it good to enter obstacle to endure willingly? Think about that.


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train going and back 120 x 2 =240
Drink  Canada Dry 100
          Pocali         150
Double cheese burger 340

930 yen

I can save a lot of money on train fee by going with bicycle.
and bring water to try not to buy drink.

Whatever happen to now, Amor fati.

I can fear and worry anything in the future.

However, remember I also feared and worried so many things in the past, and
they were nothing I feared, and none of them affected my life as I expected. Actually, fears and worries are not bad. These feelings tell me I have to be careful about something and keep more attention. However, the problem is that it crowds reasons and reality.I sometimes fear things that I do not even need to fear at all.

Viktor E Flankl says in the book Man's Search for Meaning.

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and happiness.

Whatever happens to myself, I can chose how I respond to the reality.

How big the obstacles are in my life.

Yeah, I will feel deep emotion, but I can respond to that. I will not be killed or ruined by that. I can stand up again.

I cannot control 80 percent of my life, but  I have some control over it.

That is enough.

Therefore, whatever fear I felt,

rejection of others

rejection of my crush

being the worst in the room

losing physical fitness

a war

death

making huge mistakes

sickness

embarrassed in front of people

Oh, I see how I afraid of being a failure socially as I write what I fear.

Amor Fati.

Love the fate.

Daily Journal August 21th

Today, I did not have to work part-time at MacDonald.

I went to a Cafe close to my house, ordered a cup of tea(400yen), and read and finished a book, Atomic Habits by James Clear. It was amazing! I need to use what he taught in my life, so I started this journal again.

In journal, I would like to write these things
Any impression
Emotional reaction
Story(anything that was interesting or impressed me)
Expense

Emotional reaction
I feel strong or big when I walk and listen to a self-improvement book while being relaxed. I do not know why.

Fear?
When a bee came close to me suddenly, I jumped up and became small.
I think it is a reaction to protect myself, and I conciser a bee strong.

Story
I felt really great or excited when I knew something that I did not know.
Today, I learn how to form a habit. Knowing something that I had ignored for a long time was actually a great experience. It was like an aha moment.

Oh, I need to make this journal short because in the beginning habit must be easy.
Anyway, see you again!

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Expense today
a cup of tea 400yen at Lamp, a Cafe

1 percent better every aspect of life a day

Today, I have read Atomic Habits by James Clear.

The book was very informative especially for me.

It explained about what habits is and how it is formed and changed very clearly.

I have been struggling how do certain things in a certain situation.

I tend to make many mistakes over and over again, and blame myself for that.

I realized it is not because I am wrong or not, but habits, the system is not useful.

By understanding habits, I will have more freedom to change my life.

I would like to write about the idea of the book in the blog in the future.

However, in this article, I would like to post my goal after finishing the book.

I would like to change my habits that I do not like one by one in every aspect of

life.

First step is to try to internalize 13 virtue of benjamin franklin into my character.

1. Temperance: Eat not to dullness. Drink not to elevation. 2. Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation. 3. Order: Let all your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time. 4. Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve. 5. Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e., Waste nothing. 6. Industry: Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions. 7. Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit. Think innocently and justly; and if you speak, speak accordingly. 8. Justice: Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty. 9. Moderation: Avoid extremes. Forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve. 10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanness in body, clothes, or habitation. 11. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable. 12. Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring; never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation. 13. Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.
Especially, order. My room or bag tend to be messy, and  I realized it has a huge negative effect on habits too.

Why don’t I enjoy the only thing we have.

I have my own desire and goal.

I wanna succeed in becoming an animation artist.

I wanna end up with the woman I love.

I wanna be good at that or that.

These desires are not bad.

However, these goals or desires will lead to ego

that does not exist.

Am I gonna be happy when I become like Makoto Shinkai?

Nah, only the fact remains.

Am I gonna be happy when I be with my crush? Yeah, maybe, but

the  reality will set in, it is just a emotion.

I am not saying that never chase these desires

Dream and love are beautiful and great.

However, these desires often cloud the most important things in life.

Now, the moment.

Nothing is good or bad, only interpretation.

Sadly, we are only the brain and chemicals that it produces.

We are just human beings.

Nothing wrong with that, just accept it.

We control tiny and tiny parts of our lives.

Even if I reach a great goal, nothing will change

Only the fact and interpretation of it remains.

It might release a lot of chemical in my brain, but

That is it.

It is OK to think about a plan.

However, instead of obsessing about it, just live in the moment

without any judgement on who I am and who others are and what it is.

Only moment we have is Now. Why don’t we just enjoy it?

HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE?

Even though I have not finished the whole book yet, How to make friends and 

influence people, I think the book is very great, but it seems that how to use this

book is very important.

yeah, this is just a my idea, but let me write it down.

In the book, it gives us some advice, like

NEVER COMPLAIN OR CRITICIZE OR JUDGE.

the advice is very powerful for the most people and very effective.

However, I think it is also dangerous to think this as a universal law, and

superficially think "Okay, I use this technique and people will like me."

BECAUSE EACH INDIVIDUAL IS DIFFERENT.

Deciding a form of how to communicate with others can be connected to

make each individual into a box.

Yes, I am not saying the principles does not work. They works greatly.

However, I think this book has a negative side if used wrongly.

EACH INDIVIDUAL IS A COUNTRY WHICH IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM YOU.

I think what attract others is to really see they are as who they are and giving

them individual attention.

I think I should treat the book as a book on human nature which came from great

experiments in Dale Carnegie institution.

Dale Carnegie gives us very great insight on human nature by giving his ideas

through his experiences and research on people.

He suggest to use the knowledge on human nature so that make influence around

us.

WOW, it is very difficult to put in plain words.

I think I need to read the book, and review so that I can cut them in pieces.

Interpret the book in my way.

What does reading books and listening to others mean to me.

I am a just human being.

My time and experiences are limited.

My knowledge is also limited within the range of my experience.

And, my parents cannot teach everything because they are also human beings.

If I want to excel in some part of my life, or have some control over my life,

I think I should ask others who have much more experiences than me.

I mean that I admit I know nothing about that, and yes I know nothing.

It might be how to deal with money.

It might be how to develop a skill.

It might be how to write.

It might be how to draw.

I think it is nothing wrong.

It does not mean that I believe everything others say or write unconditionally,

I have to test it myself, and try if it works. If it works for me, just use it.

If it might be something wrong, do not complain, just toss it away, and find

another.

Knowing about the world a little by little in every aspect of life not only from my

experiences but from others's advice or experiences.

I think I can develop myself.

The Beginner's Mind

These days, everyday, I need nervous about how I can accomplish something  or

not, and every time I put into a situation, I somehow find a way to deal with the

situation, and it is over. After that, worries begins.

Today, I was to go to the barber. I was even worried whether can I talk well with

the barber or not!? If I am a person who stay all day at home, and have not being

talking with others for a long time, it sounds fine. However, I am a person who go

outside to part time more than 3 times a week, and I talk with many people

there and I also talk with parents and friends.

Just a Talk.

I was like how the fucking weak I am!?

Was I like this before?

I realized I started to feel like this after reading first part of 33 strategies of war

by Robert Greene.

Strategy 2 DO NOT FIGHT THE LAST WAR
The idea is that every situation is different. Things and people changes. Therefore,
what worked last time may not work again. Adapt to what is to the present situation. See the reality and act according to it, NOT WHAT WORKED IN THE PAST.

I want to believe that I am not, but I tend to use what worked in the past over

and over again. I tend to use communication style which was useful and in the

past over and over again. In my case, I tend to listen 80 percent, and I do not

talk especially interestingly. However, I need to talk about myself interestingly or

saying something fun. The timing is the key in communication. Always saying

jokes is also not enough. OK, I will write about communication later.

I try to avoid fighting the last war, so I feel nervous about every new encounter

because every situation is different. If I follow a simple routine and act the same,

I will feel confident and feel safe. However, it means fighting the last war because

I think the next situation will be the same as the last time, and it is not based on

reality.

Today, I watched an interview of Robert Greene on YouTube, and He said in the

interview that when he start writing a new book, he feels intense fear of failing.

I think that this is a way to approach life to see the reality.

We feel fear and nervous no matter how experienced we are.

Then, where confidence come from? Do we have to fear all the time?

Yes, we feel fear or anxious nervous, not matter what.

However, accept it and we know and do the best, using all that we have at the

time. It might not work, but trying the best and overcome it.

Remember nothing will be perfect in life.

Confidence should come from the trust in myself, not from illusionary confident

that comes from false belief.

Seduction

In The Art of Seduction, the author, Robert Greene says that seduction is a light-

hearted game.

Yes, there is nothing good or bad in life, only facts and seduction is also the same.

I should never take seduction seriously. Who I seduce will never be mine.

In law 20 of 48 laws of power by Robert Greene is DO NOT COMMIT TO ANYONE.

I should not commit to anyone, including my crush or my friend.

However, I have to be also serious about seduction.

Seduction is about telling how important another person is, their uniqueness and

specialness. it is fucking difficult.

It is not easy at all. I have to put so much effort and energy into it. It is a kind of

art in life. Look at great movies and books that moves us. The authors and

directors put so much energy and time to impress us. That is why we feel it.

Listening to others and finding what others tick is a skill, and one mindless move

can hurt others. I have to care about every detail. In film, one unnecessary cut

will destroy the flow of the film. It does not mean that I should take seduction so

seriously and burn out by doing too hard, but it should be pleasurable to think and

create an art.

I should not be just who I am.  I need to put myself into another person.

Think it is different from overwhelming opposite sex with masculine energy.

Yesterday, I was taking to another woman I am attracted to and it seems that she

did not listen to me. I think it is because I did not talk in a interesting way or

topic.

However, it really hurt me. I was not able to use correct aversion and desire.

At that time, I desired another to act in a certain way.

However, I think seduction lies beyond something reasonable, good and evil.

Seduction is to give in to temptation. I think anyone wants to let down one's guard

,and surrender to another person or overwhelmed by another.

When one is paying individualized attention, we can feel it. When one is just

being one-self, we can also feel it that he/she is not paying individual attention,

he/she is just being themselves.

I think we crave that kind of individual attention in life.

It is kind of fiction in life.

To make a fiction, one has to know the reality first.

Therefore, I would like to be more observed to others and in reality intensely.

Because I want to tell others how special and important they are.

And in this self-observed world, seduction will have potential of great power.

Making mistakes and move on

Human beings make mistakes.

Yesterday, after finishing part-time job, our coworkers were on our way home.

I was talking to a man working together. However, another woman was alone.

It was night at 21:00. It was dangerous for her to walk alone.

I could talk to her and feel her safe. I did not do it because of my selfishness.

I cannot do it over again. I need to accept that.

I cannot help making mistakes, and some of the mistakes might not be important.

I just need to learn from it and try to improve myself without any loss.

However, some of the mistakes I make can be crucial.

That can affect my life. That can affect other people's life.

That can hurt others. That can hurt myself or lose my life.

I and others will be deeply hurt, but mistakes are not in my control. 

It does not mean do not care what happens in my life at all.

Try to avoid the worst situation by learning and changing my behavior when I 

make mistakes over and over again because I will be making mistakes over and 

over again. Then, I will be a better person day by day.

However, the day may come. 

Accept the reality and move on. 

See the whole.

When we repeat the same routine and activity all the time.

We tend  to let our vision narrower.

We tend to compare others which is around our routine.

Remember. This is not a true story. 

For example, I am practicing drawing. I am good at drawing in class, and practice

drawing for 2 hours a day. I play video games or do other stuff when I am not dra

wing. I am good at drawing compared to other students in class.

I believe that I am good and OK.
 
However, in reality, if I change my perspective and see the world a little differently.

There are thousands of people who are better at drawing than me, and they

practice thei work 2, 3 or even 4 times more and harder than me.

Compared to them, my drawing is like a shit!!!

I need to realize that, and see the reality.

I also wanna be a better man and human beings.

I think I am working hard toward that goal.

But others are also working, and training harder to be a better man.

They challenge things that they hate,  they fear, and improve themselves in

every aspect of life. It does not mean compare myself to others, and what others

are doing. However, when I feel important or better about myself, my ego is doing

something here. Then, talk to yourself.

The frog in the well knows nothing of the great ocean.

it is an old saying

I have to constantly remind myself to see the reality.

Not the illusion, that I wanna see.

It is a skill to cultivate.

Create things I need

This is a hypothesis. I am not sure that it works in the reality.

I will jot down this idea before it disappears.

In every area of life, or in animation or in making a drawing,

every time it is said that create something that others need or want.

We have to see the trends, how others are reacted to certain topics or not.

And, make something that suits the trends.

Yeah, it works definitely. However, I think this does not create a masterpiece.

Because it is not connected with who I am.

I think every great book or work expressed their own thought or need.

Each of them wanted a work like this to be in this world or

wanted to express their own thought, not caring what others think.

Others just reacted to them, works expressing their uniqueness.

It does not mean that just think about myself and do whatever I want.

Here again balance is very important.

I am unique, and can I use my uniqueness for others?

There are many criteria for makings something.

First, create something I need or wanna express.

others might want one,too.

This blog is one of things I need.

Never project my own image or idea to others

One of the worst thing we can do in the life is to project my own thought 

and ideas to others, and assume that others are same as us. Each of us is

very different. We are different genetically. We are different from gender and,

we are different from experiences we have in life. We have different education.

We form paradigm, how we see the world.

Each of us is like a great book to explore including myself.

Each of us has a different background, history, education, influence.

Each of the books is very deep, and interesting, but extremely difficult to

understand.

Never think that I know one person or not.

Never put one in a small box or category.

The book is constantly changing, writing itself.

I do not even know about myself.

Even though I think I know who I am, it is illusion.

I only know who I think I should be, but not who I am truly.

I need to examine throughout life time.

I might never understand others and myself.

However, I think it is important to admit that I do not know anything

and try to understand 10 or 20 percents of who truly I am or others are,

not trying to ignoring or turn my head away from the truth.

It will have great impact on my relationships with others.

HUMILITY We are very little, but meaningful

These days, I realized one of the biggest pride I have is that I read and study

books.

I think that deep inside of myself that I am different because I read books.

I feel superior to others because I know more than others because I read.

I realized this pride is very frustrating because even if I know more.

Others can do better than me without knowing it.

I realized it is not based on the reality, but illusion.

I am no better than others even if I read, or even if I try hard, or even if I

succeed in something.

I am who I am. That is it.

I have flaws, strength and weakness.

I can never compare myself to others at any way.

It is the same for others.

Others should never compare myself to them.

We are unique and important.

We are just a one human being.

Whatever we try, the world will forget about us.

However, we are precious, and never repeated.

I saw a cicada dead on the road in my way to home.

I felt I am no different to him.

The cicada was born somehow and did the work on the earth

to procreate and cry.

I was born to be a human being and do my work until I die.

maybe to procreate and study and learn to be human being.

We do not know what is right or wrong.

However, I think one thing is true.

Each cicada and each human being is doing their best to do their work

on the earth beyond good and evil. Each is precious.

I should not judge others no matter what.

and

I should not let others judge my life no matter what.


Knowing how important I am, I can tell others how important they are.

We are fucking precious.

Wu Way, effortless doing

Recently, I am into Taoism which is an old Chinese religion.

The main teaching of Taoism is to follow wu way.

There are not specific rules to follow and explanation of what wu way is.

The textbook on Taoism tao ti zing, I am not sure the spell is correct, 

teaches how to follow wu way in maybe simple stories.

I would like to study it if I have time, but I need to focus studying 

Stoism and books by Robert Greene first.

Seneca once put it that do not read so many books at once but study one great 

mind and internalize it before move on. I will find the quote later.

However, I found the idea of Taoism very fascinating and write a blog about it, 

and I think there is a similarity between Taoism and stoicism.

The fruits of Taoism teaching is effortless action.

I have many time finding it difficult to do things when I try to hard.

Usually, in those moments, my mind was full of worries or anxiety like

Can I do it? or Can I say this or that?

However, sometimes, a work or action flows naturally without thinking about it,

and usually it is an effective one.

Today, I went to gym and swan for 1 hour. 

There were 2 or 3 people swimming in a same lane. 

When one is behind me, I felt I have to swin harder because he will catch up with me.

I try harder and harder. However, I feel more difficult to swan and slow as I try so hard in the water.

The best experience and the fastest swim comes from being one with the water.

It does not mean that I do not try. If I do not try to swim, I will be drawn in the water.

The essence is let go of myself, and just feel myself swimming.

It is very difficult to be in that state, but it think it is the essence of effortless action.

From my experience, wow, it is very hard to explain in words. In side myself, there is a system which 

separated from mind that operate itself. Maybe it is an instinct. In same situation, and usually 

all most all the time, it works very well. We have 3 minds.

Emotional mind

Reasoning mind

And mind which happens when instrict combines the two.

It happens naturally.

The balance between the two is really important.

Just trust oneself and let the instinct works for you.

I jutted down my thought, i feel like I need more thinking.

Next time, I would like to write about interaction with people.

Little Things and Time

Nothing in life is a little thing.

Think about developing muscles.

You have to do it everyday or it will be weakened.

If you do it within the effor that you feel confortable, you will never develop muscles.

Same in every aspect of life.

I have to improve every aspect of life EVERYDAY consistently.

Practice drawing and animation everyday or my skill will be worse.

Exercise everyday or my body and stamina will be weaker.

Study new things everyday or I will forget and never learn about the world.

Develop my mind everyday, reading things which help me improve speritially and be a better person.

be 1 percent better everyday.

Make the time be our ally not enemy.

Even if i am weak and not have ability now, do the best at the present moment and be 1 percent better

everyday.

Push the limit.

It will be a significant change in the end.

Uniqueness

Every one of us is unique in some ways.

Each of us has different DNA and experiences.

Each of us has will to life inside ourselves.

The potential should be respected.

Whatever the situation is.

No one should judge others’ potential.

One may be poor and dependent on his parents.

One may have physical or m metal obstacles to live in this harsh world.

No matter the situation is, there lies potential in each of us to live accordance to uniqueness.

Be who one is.

Never underestimate  any human beings.

The a superman

Nothing is good or bad in life.

Whatever happens in life, the facts and interpretations of them remain

Whatever is done in life. It will disappear in many years ago.

Then, why do we have to live in the world?

Is there no purpose in life?

Is there no meaning in life?

How should I spend time?

Should I live just led by my emotion?

Stoic says we are meant to live accordance to nature.

What is the nature of human beings?

Actually, I do not know about it.

However, I think we have to live vertueously.

Balance is the key.

We have to live using our reasons.

Do the right thing in the present moment to whatever life throws at us.

What is right or wrong? We decide it by ourselves.

In addition to live vertueously, we should be allowed to be ourself.

We are unique. Each of us is different.

Each of us has unique potential to flowerish.

We should be allowed to go for the self-interest.

In my case, these days, I realized I love women so much that I do anything.

Why do I read books or exercise to be a better person or be stronger.

Of course for women I love.

It is not because I wanna control women and make them like me and have sex.

Sorry maybe yes.

It comes from very deep inside of myself.

I really think I wanna be the strongest man in the world.

It is OK that women reject me BECAUSE I put value in my action.

To be a better man. I should be allowed to go for the direction.

I also like philosophy and drawing and animation and especially story-telling.

I can enjoy these things i love while I am alive. How greatful I am!!

Therefore, the life maybe has no meaning. Nothing is good or bad.

I should not tak things so seriously.

However, there will be a lot of great things in life.

Why don’t I enjoy them while I am alive.

Enjoy life and be a Superman, yourself.

Fake confidence and true connfidence

Hi.

I would like to write about my life and emotional reaction.

I usually work in the Macdonald close to my house, 20 mins ride by by

I like people there and have a good time working there.

Yesterday, I worked in a different place for the first time.

A different Macdonald.

The people there were different and working style is also different.

I had a feeling of challenge at that time.

When I work in the Macdonald I usually work, I feel comfortable

but, I also feel it is like routine and a kind of boring.

Therefor, it was a refreshing experience for me to work in a different Macdonald.

Emotional reaction:
Feeling of comfort and disconfort or challenge

Feeling of comfort
When we follow routine or doing the same things over and over again,

We feel like we are in control of my life. When we communicate with

the same people, and doing the same deeds and c following the routine,

We feel comfortable.

Feeling of discomfort or challenge

When we do things that is outside of routine, or interact with completely different people,

The usual confort disappears and we feel uncomfortable or challenged. However, we

often realize how we are capable to  adapt to the situation, how strong we are.


We usually feel confident in our life. We think that we can deal with anything when we follow

simple routine or habits. In other words, we live in our fantasy. However, when we are put in a very

different place or situation, we realize  how our confidence was fake. Think about each of us is going

to go to a place where the war is going

on. You can hear scream, sound of gun and weapons everywhere. You can see danger everywhere.

Then, you see the reality.

I do not know the difference between true and fake difference because I do not know true confidence

Is. However, I would like to think about what it is and the life will show me what it is.

I think true confidence is not about believing that I am genious or being over-confident about my

skills or capabilities. It comes from accepting  human nature and myself  including what I am

Good at and bad at, and experiencing what and how I can deal with this harsh and dark realities.

It comes from how I react to what life throws at me.

I think one of the most important point or thing to live in the life’s journey. Which is to have faith. It

Is to believe that you are capable of dealing with anything in life. We are weak and can lose and fail a

a lot of times. However, you will be OK. I am not saying you will be happy, but you will be OK.

We have power to choose our response to what happens to us. Which I think is one of the most

precious and beautiful part of human beings.

Overcoming Pain, and beginner's mind

Hi.

Today, I started going to gym and swam.

I have not swam for a long time, so I was shit at it.

I paid a lot of money on it, so I need to go to the gym so that I can make the money worth.

However, there will be a problem for it. One of the human nature. Pleasure principles.

We, human being tend to avoid feeling of pain, and seek for pleasure. Therefore, we would like

repetition, doing the same thing over and over and over again. Avoid confronting the reality even if

the reality is not so bad. We do not like to change even though the world is in a constant change.

If we want to advance in the world, we have to shift our paradigms.

Going to the gym and swim is not pleasurable at all even though I like swimming.

It feels terrible. My muscles hurts, and I suck at swimming!  It is fucking hard.

I could only swim for 30 min today. My muscle for swimming was so weak that I could not swim for

a long time.

This happens every aspect of life if we want to master any skills, love, improving  drawing,

overcoming emotions,

Life is not always pleasurable.  If it is not painful, it means I learn nothing or I have to push it harder.

If I know that pain is not bad, it mean I need to work harder.

I think I can keep going to the gym or practice drawing even if it is hard and painful.

Oh, I had a emotional reaction today.

My emotional reaction
Feeling of attraction toward opposite sex

When I signed up for the gym, the employee who helped me was fucking cute.

and she looks at my eye so strongly, I felt nervous. I think it is a emotion and attraction toward

opposite sex. It is different from feeling of love. At the time, when I confront it, and talked to myself

that it is just a emotion. I started to feel better to talk with her.

Conformation Bias in Love

Love is an emotion.

Love is a reaction to the action by another when seeing someone have something I lack.

We cannot control feeling of love of others.

Even though I believe that my partner loves me.

It can disappear anytime.

Therefore, do not be attached to the feeling of others.

Do not rely on them.

It does not mean that never love anyone.

Put value on your feeling of love and actions.

I love another person, and act on that.

When one is in danger, help her.

When one needs someone close to you, be the one.

Eventually, provide what others want from me, not I want from others.

However, I should not be attached or except others to love me or do something for me.

Love is a feeling, My lover can leave me anytime when the feeling disappear.

Do not take it personally. Seduction is a kind of light-hearted game.

Accept it, and move on.

The way of the superior of is about the giving.

David Deida

Beyond Good and Evil

Hi.

Two days ago, I watched Weathering with You by Makoto Shinkai.

It was really great!! Everything including music, story, and of course the animation was fantastic.

However, I felt strange about the story. I thought  the hero was really emotional.  Doing everything

that he can do for the heroine. For example, stealing a bicycle, holding out a gun, ignoring traffic

lights.

Yeah, it may be acceptable for love. However, when I am in his shoes, can I do it?

I think Makoto Shinkai is a great seducer.

In the book of Art of Seduction

These is a anti-seductive quality, Moraliser.

it is whose who judge actions of others based on Moral, what is good or evil, right or wrong.

I think I have this tendency in some aspects of life.

In seduction, there will be a time when I need to be against the world or the law to prove how

important who I am seducing is,

It does not mean that I can do anything. As a human being, I have to choose what to do with my own

reason. It is never right to act because others are doing in a certain way.

Balance is the most important in human life. It dose not come naturally, but it comes from constant

effort to be a good human being.

Love is a emotion, and we are emotional animals. We feel it and we can choose how to deal with it.

Sometimes it is good to overwhelmed by it, and sometimes it is good to hold back.

What to do? The right answer will be in the present moment.

"whatever is done for love always occurs beyond good and evil."

master my emotion

One of my first goal I have to accomplish to live my life fully is to master my emotion. Yeah, I wrote yesterday. I cannot repress all of my emotion. It is impossible, but I can overcome some of unnecessary emotion such as fear, grief because it is not based on the reality, but illusion, which I create in my imagination.

For example, I have fear of being abandoned by the group. In school, I feel not good when I make mistakes or did not do as I was told to do. This is fucking stupid.  Why do I have to react in that way for them!? If they abandon me, who cares!? They will not do anything for me in the future. They are working their own interest all the time including family, friends and loved ones. DO NOT RELY ON OTHERS, OR YOU WILL BE DISAPPOINTED.

Be self-reliant. Focus on what is in our control.

Not only fear, I would like to overcome group think in class. When I am in class, it is like a large group. It is like zoo, some of them are trying to be alpha male and others are trying to follow him. They are working on their own will all the time, and it has its own momentum. When I am in such place, I cannot help my self to be drawn in the atmosphere. As a rational human being, I would like to use reasons, not to feel overwhelmed by the situation and my desire to belong, and fear of being abandoned.

One of the strategy that I came up with yesterday is that I think I belong to the universe, the nature or God, not a certain the group or class. That is formless, and have no personality. It will accept who I am and never judge who I am because it is formless. 

It is kinds of religious, huh?

We, human beings are social animals, and we cannot help feeling to belong to some things or some groups. However, problems arise because these groups are a groups of people, irrational, emotional and selfish. They can easily betray me. They can change any time. In contrast, I feel belong to nature, yeah which change all the time but it is default.

oh. as I write this blog I realized that it is a false to think like that people never change. They constantly change and they can change anytime they want. 

I need to belong to something much larger than little human life. I think this is because religion is so powerful for one's emotional health. Not because they can control people, but it can remove so much emotional stress on people because they feel belong to something larger.

From today, I belong to the nature, and do whatever I can do for them. I use everything I have and capable for the nature, and use every attention and time and power in order to serve the nature, which means as a role of human being. Live as human being and be who I am as a human being whatever happens in my life. I am happy at the end of my life I feel I use everything I have for the nature. I acted the role of human being fully.

It is not easy, but I ought to do it.

Accepting the human nature and move on

These days, I struggle with repressing my emotion and how to deal with my doubts in life to live this harsh environment.

First, I think I was wrong at this approach to repress my emotion to deal with life because we are emotional  but only rational. We are an emotional and rational animal. I feel emotion. This is nothing wrong about it. I feel envy, happy, lust, excited, fear like any other animal feel. Just look around the nature and observe those animals or creatures. They are fucking the same as us.

Therefore, repressing the emotion is not right approach to deal with these emotion because we are human beings. It is AGAINST our nature.

First,I need to accept I am emotional as other people.

Second, I can observe how emotion is working in my mind.

Third, realize that it is only emotion.

Fourth, act on what is right at the right moment.

As a human being, just reacting emotionally is not enough.
I need to confront the emotion which is animal part of my nature and love it, and I am able realize that it is only emotion, not my rational mind.

I need to cultivate virtue in myself to use my emotion and rational mind wisely.

This is how to live according to nature as human being.

Human comedy

These days, I started to think that I take life so seriously.

There is nothing good or bad in this world.

We are just playing a game that we have to play because we are born in the world,
The game of power, the game of life, the game of human being.

There is nothing sereous about this. People play this game unconsciously. Some people play this game very consciously.

Do not be so obsessed with the game. It is just a game. Enjoy playing it and I will lose the war or battle sometimes, then learn from it and try to improve the game of life.

First , step toward getting better at the game of life will be to master my emotion. My emotional weakness will dull the vision and ability to see the reality. Maybe I can practice some exercise in order to do that.

1. Meditation
2. Stoism(correct aversion and desire)
3. Reading books on EQ and books Robert Greene
4. Practice intense realism
5. Doing things I fear.

I should not obsessed to win, but I should enjoy playing the game of life and improving it. That is what I liked to do.

Emotional Reaction

In a large group, we tend to think differently. We tend to feel we want to belong it, and disliked by the group means death.

In classroom, I also feel that way. When everyone laughs, I also likely to laugh together. I think I do this very naturally but I do this because of my animal nature, emotion.

Emotional reaction:Group think 

We, human beings, lived in the tribe. They had to corporate together to survive. IN the past, acting against the tribe literally means death. The one was put into fire to death. I am not sure about that because I do not know the exact history. The feeling of belonging to the group still exists in this modern world. We feel it as a feeling of fear of making mistakes, fear of standing out and fear of being different. It is very common. It is natural in that way.

However, as a human being with rational mind, it is not natural to controlled by these emotion. We have reasons. The most important and precious and point I love about human is that we can act what is right for us even though we do not feel like to do it. In other words. We can act against the feeling. It does not mean to be fool, and do things whatever others are not doing, but act in the way that you like not because of the feeling but because of your reason.

My action have to be what I ought to do, not what I want to do.

There will be a time when I need to do what I ought to do and I feel strong emotion not to do it. That I can do what I ought to do or not in that situation depends on my small action and choices in daily life.

Decide what you do in your life, your life's mission.
See the reality clearly and be the present moment.
Act what I ought to do boldly in that moment.

Illusion

To live according to Nature

We have to distinguish what the reality is and what the illusion is, and use desire and aversion properly.

For instance, in seduction, I can do everything that I can for my lover, but if she loves or not is not in my own action. She decides it. She can love others. It is foolish to complain about that.

It is natural to feel the love toward opposite sex, but it is not natural to obsessed about it. She can leave me anytime she wants to. Remember nothing in life is not my own, including my body, my reputation, my ability, my ego.

As Epictetus put it

Never say of anything, "I have lost it"; but, "I have returned it."  Is your child dead? It is returned. Is your wife dead? She is returned. Is your estate taken away? Well, and is not that likewise returned? "But he who took it away is a bad man." What difference is it to you who the fiver assigns to take it back? While he gives it to you to possess, take care of it; but don't view it as your own, just as travelers view a hotel.



The pursuit of fame and reputation might be only illusion. Why might it be illusion? because I do not know about it because I have never achieved great fame and reputation.

I think these illusions come from emotion. From the ancient past, those who have power and money and those things are considered powerful. It is deeply looted in our actions. It is normal to pursue things lead by emotions. However, emotion is only emotion. It will change. Feeling of power can soon be feeling of disappointment. Feeling of love can be betrayed by my lover. We would like to belong to the group. These failings are inevitable. Living life lead by emotion is like riding a roller coaster.

I think most of people in the world are living in this way.

I am not judging emotion is good or bad. It is usual. It is our human nature.

I still have reasons. I can decide what is good or bad by myself. I can see the reality. I have reasons to analyze my emotion, and choose to do and act according to the reality and what is GOOD even though I do not feel like to do it. It is true courage.