Fear

We constantly feel fear. Fear of getting out of the crowd. Fear of being disliked. Fear of making mistakes in front of other people. Fear of the future and fear of the past.

Remember fear is just a kind of emotion that can be tamed by consciousness.

If we are governed all by the emotion, we are simply being an animal.

In order to live accordance to nature, I have to use both of rational thinking and emotion wisely.

Think of analogy of the rider and the horse. 

The rider is a rational mind that keeps horse from doing whatever it wants.

People who are more associated with rider will be those who live life all governed by reasons and thinking. 

They have one problem. Thinking can be very powerful but it can be very slow and ineffective in curtain moment.

People who are more associated with the horse will be those who live life governed all by emotion. He will do everything that feels good and satisfies his emotion because he want to. Their life will be like a roller costar, and it is constantly up and down with emotion. 

We have to use mind for preparation(the rider) and enter action with boldness(the horse).

Fear is just a emotion. We can analyze it, and face it. We will know that it is an only emotion.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself，nameless，unreasoning，unjustfied terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat to advance 

This is how human also fear. Anything we fear, face it. We have power to choose our reaction to whatever happens to us. We will be OK anything that happens in the future. Just accept the fate. AMOR FATI!!

Art of Seduction

we live in our own little world.

We are self-observed because of our problems, needs, wants.

We always think what we want from others.

We uncouciously believe that everyone’s action is directly toward their own needs.

In such a world, the one who pushes their own insecurities and self-observed tendencies aside, and focus on what others want from him/her is a seducer.

Technics aside.

Seduction is not about making others like you so that you can have sex and feel good. Seduction is about telling others how important and special he or she is by seeing their special qualities inside, which is directed toward truely who she is. It is not about their face, talent. It is about how much we think about other person and how much they are worth.

Tell others how important and special they are, their talent, and their uniqueness.

intense realism, see things what they are

Nothing is in your own.

No one is in your own.

No one is gonna help me.

See what is reality in front of you.

If you hold on some believe, you want to believe.

Distrust yourself.

People are doing what is good for their own.

Anyone is doing what is good for his/her own.

So, be yourself. Believe in who you are.

Listen less to what others are doing.

Listen less to what others are thinking.

Listen to what your heart is telling you moment by moment.

BE YOURSELF.

Live according to nature.

What is nature of human being.

Listen to reasons, worship inner Athena.

Be a good human being.

Get out from dependent

I constantly had been hated and feared by disliked by my crush or others. I was constantly feared how others see me, and I wanted to believe I am self-realiant and independent. However, I realized that I needed others for validation, and self-worth. I needed my crush to like me to live. I forced me to believe I do not need her.However, My actions and my inner voice told me yesterday through introspection, I finally realized that I need her and others to live.  It feels like shit.

I wanted to live according to Casanova's quotes "be a flame, but a moth", but I was a moth!!!!!!! FUCK!!

I was thinking how others saw me and worried and worried, fucking shit.

From now on, it will be my oath

Never rely on others for anything. I will live alone and die alone. No one can make me happy. Never depend on anything or anyone. Be self-reliant, Be yourself. Be better self. That is the only thing which matters.

See you my crush. I choose to live my life instead of living your life. I will never commit to anyone. Find my weaknesses to improve,purpose, goal and life's task, and constantly improving my self. Be myself. Live according to nature, see the reality as they are. Learning and be better at anything. If you dislike me, if I am rejected by you, if you date with another man, fucking shit. I might lose the battles, mistakes, fails, embarrassment, loss, but eventually I will win the war, which is to be truely my self. not caring how others think of me, how others treat me, but be my true self. Who I am. 

That's life.

People chase what seems good for them, but I chased a love affair to cover my misery. Fuck me. See the reality. No relationships can make me happy. I now chase self-reliance and being who I am.

“One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself.”  Leonaldo Da Vinci

Nothing is Personal in Life

Hi.

I had a little thought on life.

Today's topic is taking things personally.

I used to and still think about how others treat myself constantly. These thought often come to my mind.

"what if I am rejected by my crush if I talk to her."

"What if I make mistakes in the presentation or something."

"Am I really interesting?"

"What if others dislike me?"

These are fucking bullshit, and I want to tell you why.

First, these are not things which are in our control. I cannot control these things, so I make actions or accept them as they are.

Second, why they are not in our control? People live in their own mind, dream, paradigm whatever you would like to call.

If people like you or dislike you, it is  because their dream, not you. They find it useful to like you or projecting their own fantasy onto you.

Accept it. You are much alone than you think. 

Face the truth and you are OK by yourself.

Art of Seduction

I have been studying art of seduction by Robert Greene for a long time because I have a crush, and wanted to seduce her.

In these days, my thinking of seduction changed a little bit.
Therefore, I would like to write about it.

the core of seduction remain constant.

put your focus on outward, not inward, and provide what others want.

We constantly think about what we want, not what others want from us. 

How do you know what others want? Observe and Study others.

It might be

All of anti seductive qualities are deep looted in insecurities.
It distract seducers from thinking about others, but their own problems.

I have many these qualities that I need to loot out.

Thinking only our own desire is like insecurity and sex is anti-seductive.

I need to improve myself constantly so that I approach people not from my weakness, but from my strength.

exciting laugher

Thought

July 15th

Exciting laughter is a form of obtaining power.

Today, I went to school and took illustration classes.

I was focusing on my illustration, listening to others classmates talk.

I usually do not try to make others laugh, but I realized that some classmates especially, men, try to make others laugh. I think it is because it will make us feel some form of control over other people. It might be to attract opposite sex.

I need to read some research on why people try to excite laughter. In my case, I do not especially need to excite laughter and do not need to feel jealousy when someone attracts more attention because reputation and response of others are things that WHICH ARE NOT IN OUR CONTROL. If we desire anything which is not in our control, we are disappointed.

It does not mean I never make others laugh. You know we crave power. It is nothing wrong with obtaining power. We like to have social reputation, have sex, being accepted by others, have money. It is nothing wrong with these. Stoic virtue is to live according to nature.  Repressing our needs for power is not according to nature, but against it. Problems happen when we are obsessed with illusion or imagination that power will make us happy, free, as a human being. Obtaining power might feel happy in the beginning, but it is just emotional reaction, and emotion is like a wind or ocean waving. It comes and goes. Once we are controlled by emotion, we will not be able to abstain tranquility of the mind.

What do I want really in the end?

 power? women? fame? money?  reputation? laughter?  

NO!

What I really want in the end is tranquility of the mind

Quotes 

I

These are things which are within our power, and there are things which are beyond our power. Within our power are opinion, aim, desire, aversion, and, in one word, whatever affairs are our own. Beyond our power are body, property, reputation, office, and in one word, whatever are not properly our own affairs.

Now the things within our power are by nature free, unrestricted, unhindered; but those beyond our power are weak, dependent, restricted, alien. Remember, then,  that if you attribute freedom to things by nature dependent and take what belongs to others for your own, you will be hindered, you will be lament, you will be disturbed, you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you take for your own only that which is your own and view what belongs to others  just as it really is, then no one will ever compel you, no one will restrict you; you will find fault with no one, you will accuse no one, you will do nothing against your will; no one will hurt you, you will not have an enemy, nor will you suffer any harm.

Aiming, therefore, at such great things, remember that you must not allow yourself any inclination, however slight, toward the attainment of the others; but that you must entirely quit some of them, and for the present postpone the rest. But if you would have these, and possess power and wealth likewise, you may miss the latter in seeking the former; and you will certainly fail of that by which alone happiness and freedom are procured.

Seek at once, therefore, be able to say to every unpleasing semblance,"you are but a semblance and by no means the real thing. " And then examine it by those rules which you have; and first chiefly by this: whether it concerns the things which are within our own power or those which are not; and if it concerns anything beyond power, be prepared to say that it is nothing to you.

Enchiridion, epictetus

Be the Frame

There will be a time when we feel awkward when we approach people.

People might dislike me...

Am I really interesting?

What if I am rejected...

I feel rejected when others did not respond the way we expected.

People might not like me. They might think you are boring or not fun to be with.

I am not sure about other people, but I sometimes feel these doubts and insecurities. These worries and doubts are contagious.  People can feel these insecurities, and it repels others.

In such doubts, I must realize that I exaggerate my fear to approach and communicate with others.

And realize that reactions of others are not things which are in our control.

Only what I can control is my action and my own ruling principles.

Do not be the one waiting others to make me happy.

Be the one who can make others happy and smile.

Be the flame, not the moth. 

-Casanova-

Long time no see

Hi. I am Tsuyoshi.

I would like to start writing this blog because now I face a turning point in life, and I would like to analyze what I need to overcome my weakness and start living my life again. Being self-reliant. Being Freer.

My goal of this blog will be to analyze my thoughts and lessons from what I experienced throughout my life, and learn from my mistakes and observation.

I realized that I should not depend on anyone and anything even in any book, or person living in the world.

Just reading books, and watching videos is not enough. I need to constantly learn from what life presents to me, and ask myself why certain things are in certain ways until I die.

I am presented by great obstacles over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again in my life.

My family can pass away any moment, my best friends can pass away too. Precious people like grand parents, teacher, my partner can also die or cheat and betray me. These incidents will hurt my heart very strongly. It is a characteristic of emotion. I cannot change it. It is a part of life.   

So, what to do?

1. I should not live my life seeking happiness. Reality is full of suffering, war, death. See the reality and live according to nature. Throw away all the illusion that something or someone will make you happy or something will make you feel safe. they are shits. I am constantly faced with great obstacles and failures and make so many mistakes over and over and over again, and it is not things I can control. It is life. 

2. Realize that I have control over my response to what happens to myself. I have control to decide what is in our control and not in our control. I have control over my mind.

We cannot control what happens to us, but we can control the response to what happens to us.

Anything you dread, fear, escape from, it is nothing and you will be surprised how strong you are and how you over exaggerated your fear and insecurity when you face it in reality.

Rejection of others, family, friends, loved ones, sickness, death, making mistakes, will be nothing.

Nothing is good or evil, but thinking make it so

-William Shakespeare-

Nothing can hurt myself without my consent.

We are much stronger than we think, so be ready to face anything in life.

3. Be self-reliance, accept the fate and move on until you die. This is the reason why I was born. It is not living a happy life, but face and find meaning in suffering.

I believe this is a correct way of seeing life.

Thought on Hesitation July 10th

Long time no see guys.

My life is fucking hard these days

These days, I was so busy. I was surrounded by homework and duties. I feel I will lost my mind.

I tend to feel distressed.

Today, I had a chance to help one person, but I hesitated for a long time that I missed the chance to do it. She suffered and suffered. I did not act according to my ruling principles.  The feeling was awful. I hesitated taking actions because I feared making mistakes. She did not die in this case, but the similar situation might come when one's life is in danger if I do not take actions to save him/her.

Can I do it?

Hesitation is one of the biggest obstacle in my life.

My weakness is being timid sometimes. Especially, being bold, taking action when others see my action, speak in front of other people.

In the future, there will be a time when I need my courage to act according to my ruling principles like protecting my loved ones or taking actions to change the situation.

I will be tested constantly to prove myself.

Next time, when you feel you have to do something in my mind... JUST DO IT!!!
Remember you exaggerate your fear to do it. Whatever the result is. Don't care other people's reaction.

Reflections

“Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.” 
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Enchiridion by epictetus
When you do anything from a clear judgment that it ought to be done, never shrink from being seen to do it, even though the world should misunderstand it; for if you are not acting rightly, shun the action itself; if you are, why fear those who wrongly censure you?