Get out from dependent

I constantly had been hated and feared by disliked by my crush or others. I was constantly feared how others see me, and I wanted to believe I am self-realiant and independent. However, I realized that I needed others for validation, and self-worth. I needed my crush to like me to live. I forced me to believe I do not need her.However, My actions and my inner voice told me yesterday through introspection, I finally realized that I need her and others to live.  It feels like shit.

I wanted to live according to Casanova's quotes "be a flame, but a moth", but I was a moth!!!!!!! FUCK!!

I was thinking how others saw me and worried and worried, fucking shit.

From now on, it will be my oath

Never rely on others for anything. I will live alone and die alone. No one can make me happy. Never depend on anything or anyone. Be self-reliant, Be yourself. Be better self. That is the only thing which matters.

See you my crush. I choose to live my life instead of living your life. I will never commit to anyone. Find my weaknesses to improve,purpose, goal and life's task, and constantly improving my self. Be myself. Live according to nature, see the reality as they are. Learning and be better at anything. If you dislike me, if I am rejected by you, if you date with another man, fucking shit. I might lose the battles, mistakes, fails, embarrassment, loss, but eventually I will win the war, which is to be truely my self. not caring how others think of me, how others treat me, but be my true self. Who I am. 

That's life.

People chase what seems good for them, but I chased a love affair to cover my misery. Fuck me. See the reality. No relationships can make me happy. I now chase self-reliance and being who I am.

“One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself.”  Leonaldo Da Vinci