2019 March 15th

Hi. I woke up late maybe around 12:00, and took shower, and practiced drawing at art school from 3 to 9 PM, got to home, and I made my mother upset because I didn’t not eat dinner she prepared for me quickly because I was on the phone with one of my friends online, and could not eat it. Sorry about that. I didn’t want to make her mad.

Anyway, I didn’t do much, but I had some realization, so I would like to write about my idea and some emotional reactions.

First, let’s observe my emotional reaction.

I have a friend that I have never met. I met him online maybe 7 years ago when I was a high school student. I didn’t have friends then, so I escaped in the online world, and I was broadcasting, playing games. He was a listener in my broadcasting.

Okay. We still play games together, and he wants me to buy splatoon 2 and actually he pushes so hard to me to buy. I can feel he really want to play, but he pushes me to buy it so hard that I felt a little bit strange and aquward. I felt defensive to buy it. Is he really thinking about me? Or just thinking about himself. I felt confused. He persuades me so strongly. “I really want to play with you.” “Please buy it!”

I don’t that I don’t want to play it with him, but I want to use money to buy it BACAUSE I want to buy it not BACAUSE I am persuaded to buy.

Actually, his strategy to push is really useful for women because they will feel that they are needed and loved.

Anyway, being rational, I don’t think it is good to buy it now, but he pushes so hard that i feel pull to buy it.

Emotional Reaction:Defensiveness 
When I am persuaded to do, buy something or change one’s mind so hard, I feel defensive to that idea. 

However, by pushing so hard, one can make others feel guilty denying some many times, feel less defensive. I think there is a name for this phycology.

Why seduction is usefull in changing others’ mind is because it makes others think they are acting on their own will by working indirectly and subtle.


I was looking at the friend playing LOL, League of Legend,which is an online strategy game. Then, I could find that he makes some mistakes in his playing even though he is a better player than me. I was just watching him play, so maybe I have more objective perspective. I started to feel superior and analyze the situation and give advice to him. I think it made him inferior and defensive. I realized  I should remind myself, beginners mind and I know nothing constantly.

Superiority 
When I think or feel I am better than someone, I feel superior, more confident and power, free to express one’s opinion.

This might seems good, but remember when you feel superior, you tend to make others feel inferior and defensive, especially those who are insecure. Then, I have to be careful about it. Be neutral, don’t make others insecure.


Next Wednesday, I am going to work part time at McDonald’s, but I got chap on my point of a left finger. I try to cure it so hard, but it might not be cured. I cannot work there if I have bleeding some part of my body or using glove. So I have to tell the manager about it, but I feel something inside and feel difficult to contact him. It is very difficult to explain it in words. However,  it is sure that this emotion is trying to tell me something. I feel guilt because I maybe not able to work on the day, braking a promise, or I feel dangerous because this might cause some relationship problem in my life.

Emotional reaction: insecurity  TYPE:relationship
When a relationship might have a problem because of some event or cause, breaking a promise, in this case, I may not be able to work on the day, I feel insecure or defensive about it.

I think ti build a good relationship is one  of the most important aspect to survive in the old age, so this emotion tells me to be careful about the relationship.

In Macdonald, I saw two little boys and two little girls were chatting. One of the girls was really cute and beautiful. It seems that the girl likes one of the boys. I could tell it from her body language. I felt several complicated feelings at the time.

1. Attraction to opposite sex
     As usual, I am weak to women.

2. Envy
    I felt envy toward the boy desired because it is not what I have in my life.

3.inferiority
     I feel nervous when I talk to women I like because I know now that my body reminds me that she is attractive with chemicals in the brain. There is nothing wrong about it. However, he seems that he converse with them comfidently. He has a quality that I don’t. I think it made me feel inferior to him.

Hoooo.
There are so many emotion I feel to live in the world. Emotion is a gift from our ancestors but how strong the effect of emotion is. How can I tame it? There are some thips from the Laws of the Human Nature and mindfull meditation practice and so on. There were some ways to tame it.  I wrote about it the article on emotion. Yesterday, I bumped into a philosophy that might be a help to get out of emotional drama in my life.

Stoicism

The idea of stoicism is that people who cultivated virtue and self-control in self, bring positive change in others.

As I study about it, I start to realize every influencial book like 7 habits of highly effective people, the Laws of Human Nature and so on, I have read is connected to the idea of stoicsm. By puting myself on an objective perspective, and focusing on reasons and natural laws that governs what happens in the world, not our emotion, we can not be governed by the emotional drama.

I have so many things to learn about Stoicism, but I think I really want to learn about it. I do not only read about it, but INTERNALIZE it as a way of living, and act upon it. From now on, I sometimes would like to study about stoicism on this blog not only about controlling my emotions.