2019 March 12th: Daily Diary

Today, I didn't do a lot of stuff. I caught a cold maybe a week ago, and it still makes me sick, and I slept most of the day. I needed to buy shoes for my part-time job, so I went to a department store, and bought them, and I thought it was a chance to observe my emotion, and human nature there.

One of the realization is that how attracted I am to young women there. As soon as I see one whose face is pretty or skin is beautiful and smooth, I easily feel emotion of attraction toward women. There are so many school girls there in uniform. I have no idea why schools in Japan design their uniform like that. It is made so effective to arouse man's desire. It is a strange feeling that my desire toward young women in a objective way.

My Emotional Trigger 1: TYPE SEXUAL
Seeing an attractive women, maybe which has certain facial features or body, arises my attraction toward opposite sex.

I think this one is so typical for every men alive, and deeply in our DNA to leave offspring. I am not sure how I deal with it. I think we have to admit our human nature, and it is always important to try to be rational in our decision.

Other realization is while looking around the grocery store, and observing people there, I could feel what they are feeling or thinking, using my whole body and attention. It is important to be fully present at the moment to observe others, and feel yourself as if you become a person you are observing, using the whole of your senses to do this. 

Human beings have a certain neuron to feel what others are feeling. maybe our ancestors developed it so that we can live and survive our group environment. We have this powerful tool, but we do not utilize it or realize it. By observing their face, body, feeling, I could see only overall feeling or impression of what they are thinking are feeling at the moment. As practices, I will be more aware of them in the future.

Another observation of my emotion happened when I played smash brothers special with another player. In the game, we can use command called appeal. After pushing appeal button, the character in the game dance or do a certain movement that expresses some emotion such as happiness, anger, frustrating. This appeal are sometimes used to make others tilted. So, when I played the game with another player online. First, I appealed for many times after I knocked down him because he was actually strong and I was defeated so many times before that. It made me feel good. However, the moment he knocked me down, he appeal back so many times to me. Actually, my appeal tilted him, and he tried to fight me back!! His appeal also made me angry and appeal him back again. It continued several times after he left the room. the point is my appeal was regarded as trying to tilt him and made him tilted, and he tried to fight me back, and it made me more titled! I decided to make sure that I never make others insecure or challenged with my words or actions because these feeling like anger spreads.

My Emotional Trigger 2: TYPE ANGER
When we see even if misunderstanding others challenge, try to fight and attack, we tend to be defensive or fight them back, using the same emotion we receive in today's case anger.

I think I need more information for this theory.

Characteristic of Emotion
Emotion actually spreads easily. When we receive a certain emotion like anger, resentment, challenge or titled, we tend to catch these emotion, so the projection and management of emotion is so important to control our situation.

I constantly feel that I tend to avoid feeling of pain all the time. I need to practice drawing and take time to do it, but I try to do different things like reading or writing this article, which I feel less painful to do.

My Emotional Tendency: Avoidance of Pain 
This is not a strong trigger that causes a certain emotion, so I will put it in a different category.

Robert Greene says that pain or frustration is a sign of actually advancing at skill.
I need to go through resistance, pain to transform myself and reach mastery.

That is for today! Thank you for reading.