2019/10/09 Daily Journal about the game of the life, and approach life as a writer

It was one of the most terrible and great day in my life in my school life ever because I had so much revelation about life and emotion of others.

I thought I was sensitive of others, but I did not have enough experiences to sense other people's emotions.

It was a very terrible but huge step toward improving skills to understand others.

I realized I did not know anything about human beings and emotions of others, and situations.

OK! Let's get down to the detail.

The Most Anti-seductive Moves

Empathy
:not paying individual attention as an unique human being.

I realized learning about human being is happens in two ways.

I hurt others.

I get hurt by others in the same way.

and on and on and on and on and on

understanding how others feel in a certain situation

and then I can fix my actions.

I have to change my actions next time, so that I do not make the same mistakes again and again and again.

So, I have hurt one person, and I got hurt by another in the exact same way.

My case
In part-time job, I thought I got along with one of the female coworkers. It was for 6 months. However, suddenly she became aloof and defensive toward me. Never smiled back to me, or talk to me. I could feel the defensiveness. I have something in my mind. I had enjoyed the time with other female coworkers. I enjoyed them too much. Talking to them and trying to seduce them. Let's get into her mind in that situation. She will feel that she is being used by me. She will feel betrayed.  She feels that she is not a unique individual.

In other words 

I did not pay individual attention toward her.

I realized it is one of the most anti-seductive quality ever once I was done the same thing to me by another.

To really get along with her, I have to prove myself. I have to change my behavior.

And I am doing this to my crush many and many and many times.

Fuck me. Never think she loves me for that.

I was the worst seducer in history.

Casanova was one of the greatest seducer in history because he focused attention only on one woman, making her special and important.  

I think everyone wants to feel that way, and craving for that.

In school, there is a woman I get along with. She is a dandy, and good at getting along with other men. It seems she likes accompanies of men than women. She is surrounded by other men. I do not know why but she gives me gifts and talk to me even though I am a shy guy who does not like to approach others. 

The attention was really strong and I started to get attracted by her, but she still keeps talking to other men and it started to irritate me.

"Is she really trying to connect? or she is just using me for her benefit."

On that day, I entered the room, talking to other guys in class. This irritated me so much, and there were others things in life about animation, which made me deep narcissistic and thinking about ME and ME and ME!!

True love and understanding does not come from this way.

This comes from trying to understand other people's perspective.

This is a muscle to develop.

I think seduction I want is very different to seducing others to gain sex. I wanna feel others feel understood and love and the most important, special, and also I wanna feel special and important. 

This should be mutual, not one way or around.

Another thing I realized was that people including me is very fragile. A very small thing like saying hi, smile, laughter, attention or just to talk and listen is very essential. 

This is a human nature, and I love the feeling of being understood.

Another experience I feel is when making an animation work in class.
What happening in making an animation work is that I work very hard for improving my work better and making my work. Expressing myself is one of the greatest and important things in my life. One of my members seem talk about my work behind their back. I felt terrible about that. I am a human being. I do not want to be with those who say shit about important things in life.

Again, I do not feel understood by others, and this makes me worse and worse.

Individual attention is the key in seduction

What can I do from now? I try to understand other people's perspective, and deal with the situation, and others do not respond to me in a way that I expected. 

Just use No deal. 

Win-Win is the only way to a good relationship.

Put my mind into other people and deal with the problems of life

No one is wrong. It is for sure that everyone has different perspective.

Fooooo

Writing this made me somewhat feel better.

I think journal is one of the great habits one can have. It makes me see life and everything from objective judgement like a writer, and I am proud of me, keeping doing this. Little by little by little, I start to improve my awareness, Which will lead to mastery over myself.

Dealing with people is one of the greatest skill that one can have.

no one is better or worse.