My emotional journal April 7th

long time no see.

I have been so busy practicing drawing and working part time, so I could not upload these days.

However, I think keeping journal is one of the most important activities to be aware and be objective about my emotion and activities, so I would like to try my best to upload these journals.

Yesterday, I experienced one, emotion disappointment.

I was at Macdonald to work part-time, and I was taking rest for 2 hours. Then, other 3 female workers who were also taking rest started to talk about male workers. Who is handsome or attaractive to others. INFRONT OF ME!! A MALE WORKER. They mentioned a male worker who seems very handsome and attractive. I felt Jealous and disappointed at the behavior of these female workers. They seemed they never thought me of a man.

Emotional reaction: disappointment
When some desires are not met, in this case, I could not deny that I desired somewhat these female workers find me to be attractive or a man. I felt disappointed.

I had thought that I cannnot control emotion I feel. It is automatic. However, I found out that by shaping my reasons, I am able to reduce unnecessary emotion such as this through some study on stoism.

In this case, I put expectations and desire to things which are not in my control, reputation. Each of us   carries our own preferences and I cannot control these things. Stoicism says that we have freedom of choice to choose what we desire and what we avoid. By stoping desiring things which are not in our control such as reputation(if other people like me or not),body(if we become sick or not or if we look good or not as you know we age), property(cars, houses, and other things which is useful as you know things will be broken in the future) and so on, I will not be disappointed at girls taking about another guy because it is nothing to me.

What is not in our own control?

Looks-we age, become bold in the future no matter how we try hard, and lose attraction in the future.
Reputation-It is not me to decide if YOU like me or not. It is YOU. I can try to be attractive or charm you but I cannot decide if you finally choose to like me or not.
Success-success depends on luck if I am at the right place or not, and finally success will fade.
property-thing will be broken.

What is in our control?
My action-I cannot choose if you like me or not, but I can choose to take any actions to any situation.
Opinion-by learning and effort and trying to question ideas or perseption of the world, I will have control over it.
Desire
Aversion
Love- accepting people as who they are. Love might not be accepted, but we can choose to love.

Never desire things which are not your own control.

This article is not organized, but sorry about that.